Divine Graffiti

Thoughts on spirituality, motherhood and just about anything else that floats my boat.

Trial Run January 22, 2008

Filed under: Parkinson's Disease, aging, elderly, family, grief, nursing — divinescribble @ 1:46 pm

     Four and a half years ago, Andy and I made a decision that has greatly affected our lives in ways we weren’t prepared for. We bought a property with an in-law quarters so that his parents could move in. At the time, the decision was made because his mother was having some mobility issues. That has resolved. But, in the meantime, his dad’s Parkinson’s Disease has taken hold and crippled him and is beginning to suffocate those around him.

Over a month ago, Andy’s dad was admitted to the hospital with severe dehydration. He had been sick for weeks and neither he nor his wife were taking care of it.  They are fiercely independent and wouldn’t seek medical care for what they thought was a minor illness. He became sicker while hospitalized and then transferred to a skilled care facility for rehabilitation.  The goal of rehab is to get him home again. 

During his absence, we have begun to learn more and more about Andy’s parents.  The facade they have constructed during 60 years of marriage is crumbling and the picture isn’t so pretty anymore. So much energy has been spent on doing the “right” things in public and being the “right” person and not enough energy spent on developing relationships or being at all real.  There seems to be no one around them except us.  Even their church has no idea what their real struggles are and there are no friends in the congregation at all.  The pastor shows up on occasion to visit at the nursing home, but that’s it.

Today the therapist from the nursing home is coming here to see the apartment.  Andy’s dad will be here too to try and show her how well he can care for himself at home. Hopefully it involves a walker and a wheelchair. It’s his trial run. I’m sure he’ll put on a great show; I’m not sure she’ll get the real picture.

We’re frustrated and irritated and sometimes angry.  We’re sad and confused and often stressed out. We are at a loss for what to do; what would truly be the best thing to do.  We know they need more physical on-site care.  We also know they won’t allow that yet from anyone outside.  So, that leaves us to either drop everything and be here or just go about our lives and watch them struggle with their day because they’re too proud or independent to ask for help. Much of his physical care falls on Andy’s mom.  She can’t handle it.  She doesn’t want to handle it and she’s made that very clear to her kids but she won’t tell her husband that. So, instead, she does whatever he wants at her own risk. 

I struggle with being home for them more. It wouldn’t hurt my kids either if I was here more than at work.  But, we’d be financially incapable of maintaining our property or anything else.  So, that’s not a choice.  Andy has even considered quitting his job to be here; that’s not a viable option either.

So…we’ll see how today’s trial goes. Then we’ll know more about what will happen in the near future.  The only thing for sure is that it just won’t be easy. For anyone.

 

RePost on Mary, Mother of Christ January 20, 2008

Filed under: Bible, Christianity, Faith, Grace, baby, child, family, forgiveness, grief, healing, jesus, mary, mother, mysterious, passion, religion, theology — divinescribble @ 4:00 pm

The following post was originally written in April. I am reposting it here again as a result of our Sunday School class discussion regarding the birth of Christ and how people were told he was coming. This morning we talked about Simeon with Mary and Joseph at the temple during Mary’s purification sacrifice.

When I originally posted these thoughts I got a few comments. I’d like to hear more of what people have to say. I think Mary is an understudied and underappreciated woman in the scriptures in my own church experience. Traditionally, our children are taught very little about her. It’s fun to delve a little further into what must have been an amazing life.

 Mary, Mother of Christ Resurrected.

 I am amazingly drawn to the life of Mary, mother of Christ. Popular culture paints her as a young woman to whom nothing extraordinary happened. She was young, naive and simple…until the day the angel Gabriel appeared to her.  Until then, we imagine, she had lived a quiet life in Nazareth, doing the things all other girls did. No mention of her immediate family, parents or siblings. But, when this angel showed up, she doesn’t seem afraid of him. Luke describes her as “troubled” and although Gabriel asked her not to “be afraid”, Luke seems to imply that she simply wondered what was up with this?! Luke 1:29 “Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be.”

According to the Nativity Gospel of Mary, extraordinary circumstances surrounded this young woman’s life long before this angelic visit and long before she herself was conceived.  Her father, Joachim, was greatly troubled at his barrenness. The high priest at that time belittled him saying he was unworthy of presenting his gifts before God because God had not seen fit to bless him with offspring. Joachim wandered into the pastures of the shepherds to hide himself in his sorrow. While he was there, an angel of the Lord appeared to him and assured him that he would indeed have a child. God had seen fit to “open the womb” of his wife, not to just give them children, but to bring glory to Himself. Sound familiar? This angel then appeared to Anna, his wife, and told her that she would bear a child, name her Mary and that this child would find favor with God. She would be a special child in the temple of the Lord.

According to this writing, Joseph was also called divinely to be the “root of Jesse” through which our Lord Jesus Christ would be born.  It seems that both Mary and Joseph were somewhat accustomed to divine intervention.

When Gabriel appeared to Mary, he filled her “chamber” with “great light.”  [Chap 9, vs. 3] “And the virgin, who was already well acquainted with angelic faces, and was not unused to the light from heaven, was neither terrified by the vision of the angel, nor astonished at the greatness of the light, but only perplexed by his words; and she began to consider of what nature a salutation so unusual could be, or what it could portend, or what end it could have. “

It seems to me that God would be mighty picky about the vessel in which his son would be nurtured. If God was to take the form of man and be born of a woman, a virgin, He would likely have groomed her from the moment she was conceived. I imagine Mary must have become quite used to angels checking in on her now and then, and, dare I say…she may have conversed on a more intimate level with YHWH who would ultimately become her son? It seems so fantastic and supernatural…yet she accepts it with such grace as though she always knew it would happen this way.

Christ loved his mother like no other person on earth…as I hope my children love me. As he hung crucified, he beseeched John to love her and asked her to take John as her son. Watching out for both of them as he left them behind. Unbearable heartache enjoined with unending love as the skies opened and God himself took on the pain and sin of the world in complete and utter surrender to love…while this woman who loved Him in all imaginable ways looked on. Her heart must have been bursting and breaking and flying high to be entwined with the unimaginable healing power of grace.

The Nativity Gospel of Mary as a historical account of events was likely handed down orally from generation to generation…much like our own family histories today. It does nothing to diminish the deity of Christ, rather delves into the history of his mother and I read it as a love note on her behalf.  Frederica Matthewes-Green has this wonderful essay on Mary that discusses writings pertaining to the Virgin Mary.  Many of us are afraid of her…we don’t want to fall too deeply into what some fear would be a worship of Mary on par with a worship of Christ…but I think it’s worth looking at this woman as a integral part of the life of Jesus Christ on a deeper level than just that of the birth mother.  Did she live her life waiting for her son to give of his? How much did she know or understand? I wonder, too, how much time Jesus spent with his mother after his resurrection…how could he stay away; how could she?

An amazing woman, to be sure…and one that I am desperately anxious to meet some day.

 

Easter/Christmas…What On Earth?? January 14, 2008

Filed under: Bible, Christianity, baby, birthdays, religion — divinescribble @ 8:46 pm

I am reposting this since I feel it’s important.  I had surgery right before Christmas 2006, thus the lazy mommy references.

It might be a little late, but Easter’s coming. It’s a blog post from last Christmas (2006). I think that Christmas ought to be a year round kinda thing, so here ya go.  The decorations are down (or they oughta be) and now we’re wondering what the hell the commotion is all about. The swags are pretty and the tree is laden, but why?

And…by the way…I sold my copy of “Jotham’s Journey” on eBay in December for over $65.  Doesn’t that illustrate how much we love “feel good” stuff???

Christmas is only about three days away now. My kids are really antsy, anticipating the fun of Christmas morning and opening presents. They were well prepared ahead of time that this year we would be doing things a little differently now that Mommy will be lying on the couch, recliner or in bed most of the time. But, they still are so excited that it’s almost making them irritable.

We each year want so badly for Christmas celebrations to focus on the joyous birth of Christ and the coming of salvation through Him. We find we must remind ourselves that the holiday is about the virigin birth and not about gifts and eating cookies. As Christians we act almost pious when we say that we are “focusing more on the true meaning of Christmas” instead of the hustle and bustle of the holiday. But there is absolutely no way, short of going to live in a yurt in Mongolia for a month, that we can separate the secular traditions of winter holidays around the world with the celebration of the birth of Christ.

Do you think that God REALLY cares? Do you think that when Christ was born quietly and humbly in a stable with only a few very smart men and lucky shepherds at his side…do you think God was hoping that someday someone would decide we should have this big party and ceremony to celebrate this quiet birth? Do you think he intended for it to be a big deal? I don’t. I don’t think He intended for ceremony to get in the way of what it’s all about. And now, there is no great distinction between the Santa Claus version of Christmas (which is also based on some facts) and the Bible version of Christmas (which is also based in facts.)
However, I sometimes think that God is exceedingly happy that we use Christ’s birth as an excuse for getting together with friends and family. As an excuse for exchanging gifts, putting aside differences, for eating a great big fat meal together. As an excuse to decorate our homes for winter and bring cheer to the bleak winter landscape with our holly and ivy! I don’t think he cares too much that we go overboard on spending for our children (if we can) and spoil each other a little. I don’t think he’s keeping track. After all….Jesus Christ was born to bring LOVE back into the world. If he can do that by giving two “non believers” a reason to go to a party and exchange gifts with each other, then GREAT! If he brought LOVE back by reconciling a daughter with her family over turkey dinner, then, that’s what he wanted to do, right? If a kiss under the mistletoe is what makes my heart full of love for once, then Jesus came for that, didn’t he? I personally think St. Nicholas was a really awesome guy! He had the right idea. He loved people.

I want my children to celebrate the birth of Christ right along with me. But, I don’t want to exhaust myself trying to explain what advent is or make myself feel guilt over having a really fun time with the holiday either. I love shopping, baking cookies and wrapping presents. I love bringing greens inside and decorating a tree with silly little sentimental trinkets. I love mistletoe and egg nog and sleigh rides and jingle bells. And I am pretty sure that Christ doesn’t care that I like all that stuff. I think he’s having fun trying to keep up with my swirling thoughts. I think we should have this great winter holiday and call it just that. A “winter holiday” and keep it as wild and crazy and flamboyant as possible.

Then, I think we should solemnly and quietly celebrate the birth of Christ. We should have candlelight services with carols and scripture and prophesy read. We should shout “hallelujah” just as I am sure the angels did. Glory to God in the Highest and Peace on Earth. Then, bring ourselves as gifts to the altar before the Christ. We should talk about nothing else but the birth of Christ around our dinner tables and read the scripture stories over and over to our children for a week. The one from the Bible, not Jotham’s Journey or the story as viewed by the mouse under the hay. Teaching them, and teaching eachother, how great LOVE entered the world that day. How from that humble cry, that nursing baby, came light and hope and love everlasting. That without that baby boy, we would have no reason to live. Pour out our hearts to our kids about the love we know and how we have come to know it. No fluff, no fuss, no gifts, no trees, just celebration in it’s rawest form. Then we should be done and begin to look towards Easter with anticipation.

And I think we should do that in March or some other equally quiet month when no other holidays clutter the calendar! Then, and only then, might it really mean what it should.

Posted by divinescribble on December 23, 2006 at 5:11 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized  | 
Leave a comment  |  Trackback

 

It’s A New Year January 13, 2008

Filed under: Blogroll, Change — divinescribble @ 9:56 pm

Two people told me tonight that I should post more. So…here goes. Unfortunately, much less than half of the people that read this blog actually comment. That’s because they know me and they’re afraid to offend.  Let me make this one thing very clear. I do not write to impress or fluff anything up. Offend away. I write to engage others in an idea, an argument or discussion or simply to entertain. Ocassionally I’ll swing at someone and I might say bad words. That’s who I am.  I’m pretty real most of the time.

 I gave up on the discussion of women in leadership. It’s too complicated, and frankly I don’t really care. That’s my final answer. I’m ready to take on anything God throws in my path and if leadership is in there somewhere, fine. I’m a woman. Deal with it.

It’s a new year and I have a few errands I have not attended to. They are all selfish; no one else is involved. (At least not immediately). I spent the month of December caring for my husband’s parents in a way I’d rather not have done…and so all the thoughts for the new year hinge simply on things I want to do for me. I’ve made a list. Others might appear in it, but it’s simply for my enjoyment, benefit, warm fuzzy feeling or financial gain.

  • Read one book a month pertaining to business and making money. That’s what I do for a living.
  • Read one novel a month pertaining to nothing but great reading.  (I do speed read, so both should be do-able.)
  • Spend Saturday nights eating Pizza at Parma’s with my husband and kids.
  • Pay all my bills either before or on the due date.
  • Walk for 30 minutes with my son on Saturday mornings. He actually wants me to sign a contract agreeing to this.
  • Try a cosmo or a martini.
  • Get a tatoo. (I’m considering a big X on my lower back where I had surgery.)
  • Teach my 3 year old to read since he’s already learning on his own.
  • Buy a cool car. (I am hoping for a white soft-top Mustang).
  • Make my daughter feel safe, secure, wanted, loved and beautiful. Forever.
  • Make love to my husband on a regular basis. Or at least…hold his hand.
  • Finish my novel.
  • Finish my other book.
  • Read the Bible cover to cover and not necessarily in order but rather in whatever order is more chronological.
  • Get published again. (2007 was the first year in the past 6 that I wasn’t paid to write something.)
  • Get another dog.
  • Find a really great, wonderful and permanent best friend who is a girl.
  • Have a birthday party for each of my kids involving friends, balloons and games.
  • Remember to send cards to people in our families.
  • Go on a week long anniversary (15 years) trip somewhere that my spouse surprises me with!
  • Earn more money than last year.
  • Give away more money than last year.
  • Get a pedicure and a massage. (Never done either!)

Outside of that list…I’ve really got no plans!

 

Happy Birthday! November 27, 2007

Filed under: birthdays, family — divinescribble @ 2:33 am

to me.

Yes, one year older and so much wiser! I spent the day playing Candylane and a Dr. Seuss memory game called Fun-in-a-Box.  I love Dr. Seuss. I want the whole collection by the time I am really an old lady.  In between these rousing matches with my 3-year-old I managed four loads of laundry, a little work for my real job, cleaning out my daughter’s closets and then a rather heartfelt mommy/daughter moment following that.  Off to my parents for my birthday dinner. This would normally have been a home made Chinese meal (bean curd and black mushrooms particularly), but since my mother worked all day, she didn’t have that much time. Instead…fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, corn, bread, salad, pickles and pie and ice cream! Perfect southern meal. Loved it!

Reflecting on the year though, I feel like so much has not happened. Not much changed for once. No great job changes or epiphanies. I did finish one college class though.

I also don’t feel much like I had any sort of celebration. Some year I want to take a trip somewhere and kick up my heels a little bit. Maybe with a few good girlie friends.

So…happy birthday to me!

And to any of you celebrating today too.

 

Women in Leadership pt 2. November 25, 2007

Filed under: Bible, Christianity, discrimination, feminism, religion, women preacher — divinescribble @ 9:25 pm

annointed.jpgannointed.jpgannointed.jpgannointed.jpgannointed.jpgannointed.jpgannointed.jpgannointed.jpg

So, let’s get back to this for a second. I need to preface this by stating most of what I write is merely opinion and personal thought, not backed by real support. For that, I rely on others who actually have the time to think about it deeply.  I don’t spend much time dwelling on this subject as it pertains to the church as a whole. I care about it because it pertains to me as an individual woman and just might affect my life a little. Yes, that’s shallow and selfish. I’m okay with that.

First, we need to differentiate between women in “leadership” and women in “ministry.”  Women have been ministers as long as we have recorded church history. Face it, it took a woman to bring Christ to life in human form, didn’t it? In the early church women were part of the gang.  In England, the queen was head of state, therefore, head of church on some level. We have deaconesses in our church. (No deacons in sight though which is a little puzzling.) We also have a woman elder. No one yet has called her an “elderess”. Good thing too, it sounds like the name for an itch inducing weed on the forest floor.

I have always imagined the deaconess role in our church to be a little bit of a softer, gentler thing. It takes an amazingly special and patient person for this (and we’ve got two of those). From my limited knowledge, she functions much like the pastor’s wife (no offense, mother) in assuming counseling roles and general relationship building things. Driving people to appointments, visiting the sick, praying with people who need that touch. She also gets to assemble and disassemble the communion table and wash all those silly little plastic cups we use. Wahoo! So, would a deacon do those things? I doubt it. He’d be too busy working out why the toilet in the women’s room downstairs is still “out of order” and other more manly things. Or would he?

Then, there’s our woman elder, who is a wise and wonderful lady. Involving herself with lofty and weighty decisions regarding the church. Voting, alongside the men, on churchy stuff that impact everyone.  Along with the deaconesses and the rest of the leadership team, these ladies have just a little bit of influence on what we do.

We also allow a woman to lead worship in our church.  She gets to help decide the tone of the whole service and what people will be singing as they leave. That’s a mighty powerful position to be in.

So, why is it so dang hard to take the leap to allowing a woman to preach? Oh, wait….we have had that happen! I forgot about that. It’s not often, but it does occur.

Gosh, now it’s getting more complicated.

I guess the thing we’re really stuck on is not “leadership” but “authority.”  Yikes! There’s a big difference there, my friends. Many toes could be trampled if we allowed a woman to actually have authority over all of the aforementioned proceedings.

I don’t know yet what I personally feel is the right thing to do.  What I want and what is right are often two entirely different things. Prayerful questioning of God on this one hasn’t actually helped me yet. It has left me more confused. I can’t yet get a clear picture from either my conversations with Him or reading what others think. 

I also can’t let go of the feeling that, as somewhat of an opinionated strong-willed woman, to say “no” to women in authority is to shut myself down a little.

 

Life is Not Fair November 13, 2007

Filed under: discrimination, fairness, forgiveness — divinescribble @ 9:50 pm

Change the subject for a minute.

My child’s heart was broken yesterday.  Shattered and torn apart.  Every room I walk into is littered with pieces of it and desperate as I am, I can’t clean them all up. He experienced first hand what discrimination and disappointment feel like. He felt real injustice for the first time.  That soul wrenching ache under a blanket of tears that confuses, confounds and defeats us when the world doesn’t spin exactly right. Punched in the gut and can’t breathe kind of crying.

His life was touched by grown ups acting like children. Grown ups who made seemingly insignificant decisions but impacted more than the basketball season.  They forever changed the way my son looks at his peers. I see the light of realization dawning in his eyes as he begins to understand that some people get what they want by being born in the right place to the right people.  Other people get what they want by smiling sweetly and making promises (sucking up) to others. Still others just simply bulldoze over smaller runts to get to the top.

Today at 2:40 I heard his trust fountain squeak shut a bit.  It’s not fair, it sucks, I don’t understand.  Squeak.

How do I explain the stupidity of selfishness to a child who, up until now, has trusted in equality?  How do I keep him from losing sight of his own integrity if he sees others get the big prizes by manipulation? How do I get him to accept defeat graciously if the adults in his life can’t get a grip on that? How do I make him feel better?

Yesterday, my son’s heart was dropped and shattered.  Today it’s mending but it will never quite fit the same again.

Yesterday he learned how tiny he is.

 

Women in Leadership November 5, 2007

Filed under: Bible, Christianity, discrimination — divinescribble @ 9:50 pm

This is one topic of discussion that is littered with emotion and the potential for argument from all sides. It is also a topic of discussion uppermost in the thoughts of many in the Mennonite church.  How much responsibility should women have in the church? What should they be allowed to teach and should they ever be allowed to preach? Can they be ordained and remain firmly within what the early church taught about women’s roles?  Should they be quiet or loud? Should they sit in the same pew with men? Should they show up at all? I could go on and on and my personal feelings change about every other minute on this one.

I don’t like the words “Women in Leadership” but this is the “buzz phrase” surrounding women’s roles.  Women have always been in leadership in one place or another. I think the thing people really want to call it is “Women as Ordained Preachers Whom Have Authority and Can Tell Men What God Wants Them to Do.”  Blech!  On one had, who cares?  On the other hand, many people do and I suppose it is important.

I am going to begin discussion on this subject on this blog by just throwing out the arguments I have with myself in my head and then as the weeks go on, I’ll break it down a little bit and add some real concrete theory to it.

For a while I came at this from a purely feminist point of view.  Women and men have equal opportunity in all other areas of life (at least we pretend they do).  Why not allow women the right to be ordained if they are led by God into that role? For so long, women were oppressed by the church, held down and confined to hearing from their husbands what God said rather than learning for themselves. I think this is quite true today in some churches, Amish and Mennonite among others. That angered me and I saw the refusal to ordain women in the Mennonite church as one more way men control what we say and do.

But that’s where my feminist attitude basically ended. I believe women should have equal rights in politics, voting and career opportunities. I believe they should be paid what men are for the same jobs performed. I believe women can and should lead companies, organizations and countries.  I also believe many women lead their families more effectively than men. A cultural shift over the past 50 years has, out of necessity, forced women into roles that they may not have considered before. Men have largely given up on heading households. Some are absent in body, some in spirit and some never were present to begin with. Thus the idea that we are created equal to men; we fill the same shoes they do.

But, I don’t think we should whine and moan anymore.  Those women who hold high the feminist flag and declare war on men and their attitudes are simply grasping for something to make them feel more important.  Women whose credo is “I am woman!” also tend to think they don’t need any help with anything from men. It’s them against the world and men be damned. Although that may be the extreme, the undercurrent of woman against the world runs through all women’s thoughts at one time or another. When a woman is told she can’t be in “leadership” it raises her hackles and in her mind she has no rights at all.  All bad feelings towards male authority suddenly lump together in one single moment.  Think about it. It is not a group of female bishops or elders that are saying we can’t be ordained. It’s a bunch of men.

When we’re done whining, I’d like us women to stop and think for a minute about how equally created we really are.

We are not the same in any way, shape or substance.

Our brains work differently. We talk and talk and focus on words. Men are more focused on images and concrete ideas. We bring entirely different approaches to the discussion table.We are the softer sex. Let’s face it. Let’s enjoy that!

Our physical bodies are completely different, yet we try so hard to look as strong and manly as possible. We get the privilege of giving birth and nursing babies. We have boobs and they don’t. Ha ha!!!  Men, on the other hand, are generally stronger. It has actually occurred to me that if Andy died, I’d have to stop buying Smucker’s jelly in jars since I can’t open them myself. That’s okay. We are made physically to meet each other and mold together. Let’s celebrate that!

Should women preach? I’m still thinking about that one. Today, I say “yes” with a few contingencies thrown in. I am, in fact, related to a woman preacher.  I’ll further pull this one apart laer.

 

What is Safe to Say November 4, 2007

Filed under: Change, Christianity, religion — divinescribble @ 2:54 pm

Again, my writing fairy left for awhile. No, really I just ran out of time and energy to do much except work, sleep and sleep. I have been chided more than once because I haven’t put thoughts to page so I’m making a real effort to write something every few days now. It’s a discipline as much as a passion, I guess.

One reason I haven’t blogged much is that I am afraid of what I might say. There has been so much I wanted to write, but was afraid for fear of hurting people around me or causing someone somewhere to wonder at my sanity. At the tip of my brain are thoughts that are quite personal in nature and nothing else has gotten through.

 How much is safe to say? I have a few vents to indulge in, but they will tread on some toes, I fear, and that is not my purpose. I write in order to process thoughts as much as to share them; hard to tell sometimes which one it is. I will say that over the past six months I have thoroughly changed my mind on a few “small” issues that were once quite firm in my life. Or rather, I changed my mind long ago, only now I am living a little differently than I did because I finally engaged my thoughts and allowed them to become real. 

As I write this morning, my church is congregated and likely in the middle of worship time. (I am at home with what was supposed to be a sick kid.)  I would love to be a fly on the wall in the sanctuary right now. I wish I had Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak and could sit down next to some people and hear what they whisper to one another. I know a little of what today’s service includes and I wonder how political it’s going to get. Is church the proper place for political outcry and what amounts to demonstration (albeit privately) or is it a place for worship? Hmmm.

We’ll see what Andy shares when he gets home. And, Leon, Hiya! I’m back.

 

I FOUND IT!!! August 2, 2007

Filed under: humor — divinescribble @ 12:48 pm

Here it is:

http://www.shibumi.org/eoti.htm

 Finally…